8 things you should not do if he is unfaithful
There is no society that does not sanction adultery, nor method that has definitively extinguished its practice. Death penalty, torture, beheading, castration, social exclusion, excommunication, bonfire, amputations, are just some of the dramatic methods that historically some societies have used in their failed attempt to end the practice of infidelity.
According to studies by the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, 60% of divorces and separations currently occur for reasons of infidelity. The same study states that about 25% of husbands and 15% of wives have had an affair. If you are currently going through a couple crisis due to an episode of infidelity -from the understanding that the infidel is the man-, and you don't know "What to do?", I recommend you, in principle, NOT DO the following:
Don't confront the mistress. Avoid the. Do not give a voice, opinion or vote to someone who manages a biased version of your life as a couple. Get safe. It is not worth blaming or arguing with someone who has been seduced by the same person who has cheated on you too. What do you have in mind?; What do you hope to make him understand?; What did she do wrong? Sometimes the intention to confront the lover has a high dramatic cost but it can also turn into an absurd situation. They tell me in consultation: – Doctor, what bothers me the most is that they both made fun of and laughed at me! I answer them: - Believe me, the last thing they do, and hopefully, is think of you.
Do not seek to know all the details. Please! Don't get involved in the masochistic adventure of recreating the movie in HD format. Even if it is difficult for you to do so, do not ask for all the details. All your questions do not have to be answered to clarify your doubts. DO NOT CLARIFY THAT YOU DARKEN: -How many times did they do it?; Where?; Did you give him oral sex? , Is she prettier and more woman than me?; Did you use a condom? , Since when do they sleep? Avoid morbid or painful details that lead nowhere. Control the desire to question. If they have chosen to reconcile, emphasize the relationship and not the episode.
Don't take revenge. It does not mean that you do not show your discomfort or anger. Do not risk that your partner and her lover justify their arguments using inappropriate behavior on your part: - Have you seen why I told you that she was crazy? , - No wonder you don't come home! Regulate your impulse control by doing physical exercise. Get out of your house, take care of errands. Don't overdo vengeful reactions that can get things out of control.
Don't let it go. Don't ignore what is happening. Don't turn a blind eye. There is a crucial situation in your life as a couple that requires all your attention. Get out of the initial shock: DO NOT STOP SUFFERING, GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION TO DO IT. You have to experience pain in order to exhaust it. Don't block your emotions. An infidelity is always a bitter, dramatic and crucial episode in the life of a couple. Letting go of an infidelity, camouflaging it and trying to disconnect from it is giving way to the next one.
Don't tell everyone. Let no one meddle!!! We understand that you have a trustworthy person, a friendship with which you vent. Please classify this episode as ultra private as much as you can. Don't tell your kids unless you have to. FOR PROSPERITY, MENTAL HEALTH AND EMOTIONAL WELL-BEING POLICY: STAY ON STANDBY!!! When there are many counselors around there are also many stories.
Don't beg for love. Don't beg to be loved. Love is not forced. Don't give away your dignity. Don't take the other's either. Don't beg your partner to stay. Don't beg the mistress to leave him alone. That puts you in a vulnerable position. You will inspire pity, pity, weakness. That doesn't help anyone notice or fall in love with you.
Avoid psychological torture. Don't let your impulses win. Do not subject your partner to the acid test. Don't let anger, rage, frustration, and other feelings of helplessness cloud your judgment. This goes both ways: 1) Sometimes the deceived party feels they have the legitimate and irrevocable right to humiliate the unfaithful for the rest of their life, 2) and on the other hand, the unfaithful feels that they must pay eternally for their fault to the point of becoming an emotional slave of the wronged.
Do not dismiss the help of a specialist. Start therapy with a psychologist or psychiatrist. Especially if it's not the first time you've been through this.
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